Dear Amy

Dear Amy,

Today is Brian's fourth chemo treatment.  He's sleeping beside me in his chair as the medicine slowly drips in.  That medicine that is making him so tired and yet so much better at the same time.  I'm so glad he's relaxing today and taking the time to sleep.  It's uncharacteristic of Mr. Vigilance so I know how tired he really is.

So far this has been all you promised me it would be.  Each treatment makes him more weary though he tries so hard not to let it show and he continues to work just as hard as ever.  Just like you.  He does admit at least that he's worn out, but he really doesn't like it trying to keep him down.

Some of the side effects have been a whole new world of discomfort that through trial and error we have learned to lessen.  You made so many aspects of this so familiar from the beginning.  It was still scary as hell, but we never felt like we couldn't make it through.  Thanks mostly to you. 

He gets to have his Pet Scan in two weeks to see the progress he's made in the past few months since this wild ride began.  His signs of fighting back are subtle.  He's worn the cancer bracelet I bought every day.  He rarely wears a hat on his now bald head.  Badges of honor in an odd way. 

Our partnership is titanium strong and it's been almost unspoken.  He rarely wore his wedding ring before for professional reasons (no reason the bad guys needed to know he has a family) and now he never takes it off. No one can know what that really means to me.  If the man never says "I love you" again but wears that ring every day, it will be heard loud and clear. 

We still have two treatments to go after the Pet Scan.  We still have to get moved next weekend.  We have so many new adventures still to experience just in the next few weeks.  Brian has a birthday on the 11th.  My 5K (the Jingle Bell Run) is on the 4th. 

I just wanted to take a minute and tell you my friend that I think about you often and how much you helped me to not be afraid even when I didn't know what else to be.  Thank you for giving us your wisdom and me the courage infusion I needed.