Merry Christmas, Nonnie

I don't know if I can write this one, but I'm going to try. 

Merry Christmas, Nonnie.

Today was so much fun, wasn't it?  It was so great to see everyone finally! I don't think everyone had been in the same room together since this summer at the family reunion.  Before we all knew Kelli was pregnant with Casen.  Before we knew Brian was sick. 

Now Brian has his last treatment next week and Casen will be here in March. 

Claire turned 20 today.  Can you believe it?  She used to be the baby.  Now it's Colt until Casen gets here.  Seems so strange.   We decided this year that we would only bring gifts for the little kids.  Things have changed so much and yet they have come full circle.  Now we are all adults and we are watching their children exchange and open gifts.  I only feel a little left out because we don't have kids of our own yet. 

Nonnie, you were there.  In every smile.  In every laugh.  The football game was on and the boys were glued to it.  We made the turkey, potatoes, and stuffing...just like always.  The cranberry salad didn't set up very well in my pewter bowl, but it tasted good.  And you were there.  The tree was decorated with the ornaments that I made for you and Grandpa. 

Grandpa looks good, huh?  A little tired, I think, but I'm really proud of the way he's hanging in there.  He misses you so much.  Today was challenging for him.  He loved having everyone over I know, but it meant you were only there in spirit....and most of the time, that's just not good enough, you know? 

The kids were all very well behaved and looked so cute.  I know you were proud of them.  Jace was so sweet sitting at his place at the table for all that time, waiting patiently for his lunch. 

Thank you so much for the shadow boxes and the jewelry.  I know that Aunt Susie and Mom put them together and it was so special.  But if you hadn't kept it all, we wouldn't have it to remember you. 

I have your ring that you wore every day after you gave your big diamond to Mom.  I didn't know it was expandable.  :)  Good buy! 

We all enjoyed the chance to choose some things that belonged to you to take with us.  You are with us all the time. 

Christmas will always bring you back to me and make the ache a little deeper at the same time, but I wouldn't trade a single moment of the big family Christmases you gave us. 

My absolute favorites are the ones when I was a little girl and you lived out on the creek.  I've spent my whole life trying to recapture the magic you created at Christmas in that house.  The best answer I have is all the time you had for us.  The movies we watched, the fires in the fireplace, hot chocolate.  And each cousin felt like we were your favorite child and the only kid in the world.

How did you do that? 

Merry Christmas, Nonnie.  Love you.