All Grown Up

I've wondered for a long time when I would feel like a grown up.  I watched all my beautiful, younger cousins marry before me, and it was like a light switch was flipped in them.  It was like the next time I saw them, they knew things I didn't.  They seemed... grown up, and I did not feel the same way. 

I looked in the mirror and I saw the same girl every time that I had seen since high school.  So...when did it happen?  Brian and I had been dating for years...so, when would my switch be flipped?  And did I WANT it to be flipped?  My cousins appeared happy (a bit tired perhaps, especially after the babies started to arrive, but happy). 

And so life continued...

I'm not the most patient person on the planet, so I bought a little house, testing the waters...would this flip the switch?  Nope...I don't think so.  I love my little house, but I feel the same. 

Then one Christmas morning Brian proposed.  I thought the transformer blew, to be honest.  But, despite a few last minute hiccups that do not need to be rehashed, the wedding went off beautifully, he moved into my little house and life continued.

We started looking for OUR house, but again...didn't really feel different...just felt like I'd been through a lot of paperwork to get that long-awaited name change...is that the grown up look my cousins sport?  Surviving the social security office?

No, I suspect not. 

I think, unfortunately, I FINALLY stumbled onto the answer, though I think it's a little different for everyone.  You acquire that look when you have to take on the responsibilities your parents always took care of for you.  In my case, when Brian got sick, suddenly I am the one finding out about insurance, medicines, treatments, side effects, prognosis...I'm the one sitting patiently in hospital waiting rooms.  I had to be the one to tell Brian he did in fact have cancer. 

I almost wish there were still tickets available for us to Never Never Land.  Growing up hasn't been much fun, I have to say.  But we're here.  And it's not so bad.  At least I have acquired that long sought after Grown Up Look.