Relaxation

Today I had the opportunity to have a massage.  My sister-friends from grad school thought that I would need an hour of "Me Time" so they gifted me a massage.  I chose a Monday afternoon; it seemed like the perfect time to unwind.  I was right.  I think.

I went into the Tranquility Room to wait to for my therapist to call me for my hour of bliss.  And though I had to sit there with a girl dressed like it's still July with crazy eyes, I did start to relax.  I just didn't look at crazy-eyed girl with the straw purse...no one told her about the Labor Day rule, obviously. 

My highly-trained massage therapist soon came calling and off I went to our room.  I shimmied out of my clothes as instructed and assumed the position...face down on the table.  Bring it on! 

Susie Q came in to commence my hour of power and I drifted in and out of consciousness, feeling all the yucky stress and pain leaving my body...until all the rubbing, etc. brought up a fart...my eyes flew wide open and I squeezed my butt cheeks together.  This woman is doing a pretty thankless job.  The last thing she needs is a poot in her face.  I try to settle back in and relax, but all I can really think about is not letting one rip.  Finally, the urge seems to subside, so I relax again. 

Susie moves on to my legs...about the same time I realize with a certain degree of horror that I didn't shave my legs this morning because I was wearing leggings and in a hurry.  Dang it!  And as she moves down my leg to my feet I realize I didn't cut the snaggletooth toenail.  Crap!!  Hello Redneck Girl!  Got the name on the back of your belt?  Getting the massage today because of a long weekend preparing the deer lease?  GEEZ! 

And here comes Mr. Poot again.  How am I supposed to relax again with the gas bubble, snaggletoe, and hairy legs haunting me???  I bet crazy-eyed girl with the straw purse isn't having this problem.

I finally tell myself that I can't possible be the ickiest client this girl has ever had...I am not, in fact, a GUY.  So once again, I tell my brain to take a freakin' vacation for a minute and enjoy the time I have left in the hour of power.  And for once, it listens. 

And so this post is brought to you by a very relaxed and happy girl...who still needs to shave and cut that snaggletoe.  I'll get around to that tomorrow...probably.